If you go into Las Vegas today, you're sure of a big surprise. In fact, it's a wide-bodied, pimped-up, slammed-to-the-floor, phat surprise. And yes, we spelled it 'phat'. Because that's what they do over there, we're told.
That vast, desert nirvana of doubling your mortgage on red and 2am drunken weddings to your Labrador is hosting the annual SEMA Show; a congregation of tuners and their products, all in handy car-shaped format.
Predictably, a lot of US car companies are "throwing down", but this year Audi and Lexus are lending a more rarified air to proceedings.
It starts today and goes through to Friday. Frankly, it's not really our cup of tea, but have a look through the highlights from our in-house "tuning fan" (he's from Luton, forgive him). And look out for a surprise intervention from our friends at Top Gear US...
Audi R8 by STaSIS Engineering
Making its debut at the SEMA show, Audi is showcasing West Virginia-based STaSIS Engineering's modified R8. The V10 R8 gets a supercharger to boost power to a meaty 700bhp and 523lb ft of torque, together with Ohlins dampers, lightweight brakes, a shouty exhaust and bigger wheels.
These mods can actually be fitted by Audi dealers to your V10 R8 too, and come with a four-year/50,000 mile warranty. You will want.
Lexus CT 200h
Toyota's velvety-soft luxury offshoot Lexus has tuned its latest hybrid hatch, the CT 200h, with 18-inch rims, adjustable suspension and a big-brake conversion.
Lexus GS 450h by 0-60 Magazine
But that's not all. The company has let a few tuners loose on the rest of its hybrid range, including this be-winged beast from 0-60 Magazine. Along with that mighty Top Gun-esque rear appendage, the tuned GS 450h gets a five-piece bodykit, racing exhaust, racing dampers and springs, Brembo brakes and forged racing wheels. Give Maverick his P45!
Lexus LS 600h by Fox Marketing
Fox Marketing has taken the Lexus-limo, added a full bodykit (naturally), 20-inch BLQ wheels with a 'candy copper' finish, and adjustable suspension. Oh, and in case you missed the fact that's it's a hybrid, it's painted in 'green'. Because green represents everything good and fluffy about a 5-litre V8 with a small electric motor strapped to it.
Lexus RX 450h by EST Styling
The soft-roading Lexus gets a wide-body conversion kit by a company named Hired Gun Paint Werks, 21-inch wheels and Air Runner suspension. Booyaka!
Chevrolet Camaro SSX Track Car Concept
Radios and carpets are for weak, spineless, needy people. And you are not one of those. That is why you will admire the Weight Watchers version of the Chevy Camaro. Shorn of aforementioned gubbins, the SSX concept gets carbon fibre panels and an SCCA-approved roll cage to go racing. All you need now is talent (and money).
Top Gear USA
That's right, we're there. Well, the American version of 'us'. And we like to roll up in style, with a handful of exotica and a big Top Gear logo. Also quite yellow.
Chevrolet Corvette Z06 X Track Car
Another entrant from Chevy, again sporting a range of already purchasable accessories to transform your fire-breathing V8-powered Corvette into a track-happy fiend.
Pratt and Miller - Chevy's ALMS partner - helped put together this 'Vette, which features carbon ceramic brakes, magnetic ride control, carbon fibre body panels, lightweight wheels, a front splitter and that tasty Icy White colour you see. Evil.
Hyundai Equus by Mummbles Marketing
Unaware of what the word means, MM has dubbed this Hoon-dai the 'elegant Equus'.
And as with everything at SEMA, it's exactly the same but entirely different. Five piece bodykit, big 22-inch alloy wheels, a turbo for that V8 pushing power to 450bhp, bigger brakes and air suspension. There are also curtains, in case somebody might see you. Also for 'VIPs', apparently.
Ford Police Interceptor
You have the right to remain silent - put your hands in the air... and wave 'em around like you just don't care!
Certain to give crims sleepless nights, this souped-up patrol car was inspired by the 'Blackbird' SR-71 stealth plane, and features a 3.5-litre V6 engine, 22-inch wheels, lowered suspension and those fabulous red and blue disco lights. Calm down dear, it's only a concept.
Fiat 500 by Mopar
Flared arches, big wheels, bodykit blah blah blah. This is the 500, tuner style. It's meant to whet the appetite of US buyers before the dinky superhero goes on sale 'over there' next year. Obviously, it will be real, unlike this picture.
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