Alonso: has expensive thumbs

Fernando Alonso has revealed that his thumbs are insured for £9m.
The Ferrari driver today signed a new sponsorship deal with Spanish banking and insurance giant Santander, which sees his shortest, fattest digits covered for £4.5m apiece.
A Santander spokesman said (and we only wish we were making this up): “Alonso’s thumbs are a big symbol as, apart from being essential when driving a Formula One car, they represent a sign of victory and that everything is under control and well protected.”
Yep, we’re pretty sure that’ll be Alonso’s biggest concern if he loses both his thumbs in a tragic threshing accident. “Oh, bugger. How am I going to indicate my happiness at having won a Grand Prix now?”
Celebrities insuring body parts is nothing new, of course. Ken Dodd’s infamous teeth were covered for £4m, Jamie Lee Curtis’s legs for £1m, and Michael Flatley’s feet for £30m.
Most famously, Jennifer Lopez – she of the bootay-wiggling fame – recently insured her posterior for a whopping £200m. Which does raise the question: what tragic scenario would have to befall her buttocks to trigger an insurance claim? And what would happen if Alonso’s thumbs somehow got stu— actually, don’t answer that.
But Alonso’s deal must surely open the floodgates for further strangely specific F1 insurance cover scenarios. We want your suggestions. Jenson’s beard? Surely that’s worth a couple of million? Massa’s repeated use of the phrase ‘for sure’? Imagine if he lost that. We must be talking a few hundred thousand to keep that baby safe.
Rumours that the entire Virgin F1 operation is insured for £35 by the Churchill dog could not be confirmed.

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